Present Becomes The Past

by The Gates Of Sleep

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swirlingwinds The Gates Of Sleep shows a truly masterful understanding of lyrical style, from brutally emotional songs like Undilate, to songs like Bread Drawer Hiatus that clash with their lyrics in a unique and unsettling way. Present Becomes The Past tells a very important story, and one that really needs to be heard. Favorite track: Can't Fight The Wicked.
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1.
02:47
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03:33
4.
03:47
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04:36
8.
04:11
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10.
03:27

about

Three years is a long time. Three years is a seventh of my life. Three years is a major portion of an undergraduate degree. Three years is the difference between loving someone and hating them. Three years is how long it's taken me to step back, take a deep breath, and start pulling my brainstem out of my ear. Three years is not enough time to grow up, if that even means anything at all, but it is enough time to gain some perspective on what you once thought was immortal but now seems so short and pathetic. Three years is enough time to parse the result of a three month blow to the head. Three years is long enough to teach yourself how to love yourself, at least a little bit, at the expense of no longer loving someone else, someone who may hurt you, even yourself, too entirely. Three years isn't enough time to have it all figured out. Three years isn't enough time to become content with all the new scars riddling your body. But three years can be enough time to write, record, and produce an album that you subtly start to realize has dulled the effect of her name on you, and has helped you to realize that you have to be your own best friend, not your own worst enemy. I can't promise that this album will do any of this for you. I'm not proud of my vocals, though I am proud of my lyrics and melodies. What I do hope this concept album does, however, is tell you a story of three months turned three long years. In another three years, perhaps I'll have a happier one.

Content warnings: emotional manipulation, physical and sexual abuse, solipsism, surgery.

credits

released December 17, 2016

All tracks written, produced, and recorded by Starla Insigna. Tracks 2, 4-7 and 9 composed by Starla Insigna. Tracks 1, 3, 8, and 10 arranged by Starla Insigna. Track 1 contains a sample of the interlude to Snowfalls by t.A.T.u. Track 8 contains a sample of Still Sane by Lorde. Track 10 contains a sample of Pólko by The Gates Of Sleep.

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The Gates Of Sleep New York, New York

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Track Name: Snowhearted
If you can get away, you'd be best to
Try not to end the way the rest do
There's no telling when the storm hits
That's why they call her Snowhearted
(x3)
Track Name: Bread Drawer Hiatus
Dreamers see straight through the pain
I'll pull my head up and forget all my dignity
How could I be more wrong, 'cause with her I live happily
I'll write this silly song, then it's back to the pageantry

She's falling asleep and her lips are making words again
A cult, there's a colt, there's a cult, and it's inside of me
How dare you do me wrong, 'cause with you there's no reasoning
My eyes, they tell me lies, so I'm lighting up a flare to see

I'm living in a lie and I don't want it to die

I'm living in a lie and I don't want it to die
I am sure I've seen it all, but that's what makes it hard
It's better to escape so I'm pulling out the floss
I'm in a bread drawer and I'm taking a hiatus

Taking leave of my defenses has never been so quite easy
I won't leave until I'm done with all of these petty trances

Four more names brighten my screen
Using light that they steal from my darkened eyes
I'll meet my maker from this stress
If he hadn't left then I wouldn't be in such a mess

I'm living in a lie and I don't want it to die

I'm living in a lie and I don't want it to die
I am sure I've seen it all, but that's what makes it hard
It's better to escape so I'm pulling out the floss
I'm in a bread drawer and I'm taking a hiatus

Taking me far past the line I had never really wanted to cross
If I know me and I'm sure I don't, I'll never forgive this moment

I can't do it on my own
But all these hands that roam
I'd always detest it
Fried like a piece of toast
Toast (x6)

We'll walk this world hand-in-hand
I knew it was too good, just too good, too good to be true
Hopelessly combing the earth
Don't look back, that's the price for my safety
How could I start again, she's taken all I have to give
Drinking it all in like the feelings I can't feel again
If I look enough, I will find this portal that I seek
Take me to a life where I can love someone freely

I'm living in a lie and I don't want it to die

I'm living in a lie and I don't want it to die
I am sure I've seen it all, but that's what makes it hard
It's better to escape so I'm pulling out the floss
I'm in a bread drawer and I'm taking a hiatus
Living in a lie and I don't want it to die
I am sure I've seen it all, but that's what makes it hard
It's better to escape so I'm pulling out the floss
I'm in a bread drawer and I'm taking a hiatus

Dreamers see straight through the pain
I'll pull my head up and forget all my dignity
Track Name: The Swing
You're gonna give me what I want
Because if you don't
Then who will you turn to
It's better than one
Can't be runnin' 'til I'm done
And I am never fun
Aren't we having fun?
No, this isn't a game
These lies are all the same
Do I have appeal?
How do I make you feel?
Do you feel like you're

Not in the swing of things yet? Well I'll bet
I'll take a swing and you will hope I miss

You're not a friend or foe at all
But when the night falls
I might let you
See how fun it can be
To do all I please
And all I ask is love
Just everlasting love
I'll pull you from above
And down into my world
So twisted and curled
Where feelings are unfurled
And sealed with a kiss
I'll have you living in bliss
Calm down my little miss
Do you feel like you're

Not in the swing of things yet? Well I'll bet
I'll take a swing and you will hope I miss

If I want it, I'll take it
If it hurts, I'll touch it
If it scares you, I'll say it
If it kills you, I'll fake it
If I want it (you gotta be kidding me)
If it hurts (there's no way that this can be)
If it scares you (you've got to listen to me)
If it kills you

Look what you've done to me now; now I'm mad
If you think you're getting away now, we'll just see
I'll tell the world what you think in your head
I'll tell the secrets you keep and those you don't
I'll say you threatened me with my poor heart
I'm always caring for you and this they know
I'm everything that you need, can't you see
I'll say everything but all you say is that you're
Not in the swing of things yet; well I'll bet
I'll take a swing and you will hope I miss

Not in the swing of things yet? Well I'll bet
I'll take a swing and you will hope I miss
Track Name: Undilate
I'm breaking down the lines of the
Picture that you drew of us and
All I've found is empty holes that
You somehow got me to fill again

With a plastic rod that was
Gifted to me by doctors that
I had loved in days ago and
Gone by the past with you
Giving them advice with twists
And turns abound and wrought
My hollow eyes to sanctify
What was truly the worst idea
Of my young life

So far I think the world is bleak
Because I have begun to leak
My effortless induced desire
Again that loudly yells to shut me up

With a plastic rod that was
Gifted to me by doctors that
I had loved in days ago and
Gone by the past with you
Giving them advice with twists
And turns abound and wrought
My hollow eyes to sanctify
What was truly the worst idea
Of my young life

And yet it feels so frightening
That no one ever really wanted to
Be a part of your life so bad that
They'd pull it out right from underneath
Your sheets and somehow leave you
Wishing for defeat and so willing you are
To see that pain repeat that you would
Lie back and try to forget what you could do

With a plastic rod that was
Gifted to me by doctors that
I had loved in days ago and
Gone by the past with you
Giving them advice with twists
And turns abound and wrought
My hollow eyes to sanctify
What was truly the worst idea
Of my young life

'Til now
Track Name: Can't Fight The Wicked
Down our chimney we fall
Upon it and stared
So tired and cold
We never woke up
Into the sky
Glows our wicked lie
Trembling 'til the ground
Swallows all the sound

Look, I'm running on my own
I'm gonna make friends
I'm gonna find peace
I'll do it again
It's all so brand new
I'm gonna find love
I'm gonna do it all
The world's in my hand
I see it so clear
The future's so near
I've waited so long
To go where I belong
I know this is alright
My destiny's in sight
I'm gonna be there
I'm gonna be

And if I don't come back there's a
Box beneath my mattress that will
Answer any questions you may
Have about the past year
Well, I think that maybe I am
Not quite as well off as I think
I don't know if I can do it
I don't know if I ever could

Down our chimney we fall
Upon it and stared
So tired and cold
We never woke up
Into the sky
Glows our wicked lie
Trembling 'til the ground
Swallows all the sound

Look, I'm running on my own
I'm gonna make friends
I'm gonna find peace
I'll do it again
It's all so brand new
I'm gonna find love
I'm gonna do it all
The world's in my hand
I see it so clear
The future's so near
I've waited so long
To go where I belong
I know this is alright
My destiny's in sight
I'm gonna be there
I'm gonna be

And if I don't come back will you
Please tell my mom and dad that they're
Gonna be alright without me
Everyday's a mystery
And I think that maybe I am
Not quite as well off as I think
I don't know if I can do it
I don't know if I ever can

And if I don't come back, you'll see
It's better to keep this lesson
Wrapped inside me for so long
You can't teach them a single thing
Well, I think that maybe I am
Not quite as well off as I think
I don't know if I can do it
But I finally get to try

Down our chimney we fall
Upon it and stared
So tired and cold
We never woke up
Into the sky
Glows our wicked lie
Trembling 'til the ground
Swallows all the sound
Track Name: Safety in Wonderland
Putting all my thoughts aside
I never wished that you replied
And though this is not what I planned
I'll find my safety in wonderland

Take your fears and melt away
Don't have to face another birthday
And though this is not what I planned
I'll find my safety in wonderland

Give it up, you can't resist
Just think of all the times you kissed
Your mind is not so dignified
You've never been more terrified

The thought that I might disappear
No eyes to find me over here
But though this is not what I planned
I'll find my safety in wonderland

I know when all's been said and done
We might have had a little fun
That doesn't mean that I can take
The brittle bones or the burning heartbreak

I'll find a place where I can hide
It's salvation, simplified
And though this is not what I planned
I'll find my safety in wonderland

This world is far too big for me
Swallowed by pride and dignity
I'll never work a day again
Not when I'm drowning in my sin

Look, my time is running out
Can't stand to face such reigning rout
And though this is not what I planned
I'll find my safety in wonderland
Track Name: Paradise
Although his words were usually in vain
I found a few that really stuck to me
Amidst the vows of purest love affair
This sorry stain on my timidity
Nothing is real, nothing that matters now
But time always keeps to its steady pace
The present will always become the past
The future is the start of something new
Just look around at all the days gone by
Romanticized into something you knew
You have to know that there is no return
So come with me and stay a little while

And maybe we'll find our perfect paradise
Just maybe we'll be the ones who got away

Well, I don't know too much about that
All time is linked, and loops forever more
Any one day could really be my last
The present has nothing for me in store
This world I own is really not so bad
The loneliness is only what I get
For all the things I am responsible
This perfect dress made of recycled debt

And maybe I'll find my perfect paradise
Just maybe I am the one who got away
And maybe stars will spell my name for me at night
Just maybe for once it's all gonna be okay

But if it's gonna happen then I want to know the truth 'bout it all
When? When? When?
When's it gonna happen
Can you please tell me that much
Or am I too dependent
To be worth not being touched
Is it true? Is it true?

Am I too sad or
Am I too soft or
Am I not worth it to be happy at all?
(x6)

And maybe we'll find our perfect paradise
Just maybe we'll be the ones who got away
Yeah, maybe I will turn myself into the night
Just maybe I won't have to worry anymore
Track Name: Blue Ribbon
You’re not simply feeling things, it’s all real
You’re not simply seeing things, it’s all real
You’re not simply hearing things, it’s all real
You’re not simply thinking things, oh oh oh

She ties a blue ribbon in her hair
And loses feeling in her fingers
Winter weather starts to fall
Bridging up your feelings

You’re not simply feeling things, it’s all real
You’re not simply seeing things, it’s all real
You’re not simply hearing things, it’s all real
You’re not simply thinking things, oh oh oh

Witness watching in the air
One who wakes the living dead
And one day we’ll all become
Ethereal in our heads

Perhaps you’re just seeing things, could it be?
Perhaps you’re just hearing things, pour quoi me?
Perhaps you’re just thinking things, but, you see
You’re never simply feeling things

They’ll welcome her with open arms
Chew her up and forget to swallow
Watching, waiting, once again
Hair falling, becoming hollow

I’d never admit it, not to you
I’d never consider it, that’s not true
But perhaps I’ve been thinking things, in my head
Perhaps it was real this time, so I hid in my bed
Perhaps all the visions that haunted me for days
Perhaps all the people who never gave me praise
Perhaps the sensations I ignored
Perhaps the revelations were foretold
Perhaps I’ve been missing every single sign
Perhaps I’ve been loving far too hard this time
And perhaps she could see it through my eyes
Just one last effort to disguise the lies
Perhaps this old fabric was my only guise
Perhaps
Track Name: Forever Bedtime
Real
Tell me what is real
It's been so long
Since I've heard a voice that was real
Dreams, they tell you what you want to hear
So I listened
And I found myself fast asleep
Safe but locked away
That's the bargain that I had to accept
Foolish!
Tell, can you think of one great hero
That was happy just to live their whole life in fear
There is nothing here
Magic tricks are nothing but just that
They're just tricks!
Fevered attempts at self-fulfillment
I'm so tired
And I just need to wake up

I don't want to sleep forever
I don't want to sleep forever
Call my name if you can hear me
I so badly want to be free
I don't want to sleep forever
I don't want to sleep forever
Let me out before I am dead
I don't want forever bedtime

Do you have the time?
All the clocks have broken
Out of jail and left me
Can this really be what I asked?
I must be dreaming
Of a fate so unkind and fake
Paradise is fake
A myth that you make up
Every time you wonder
What if they don't like me?
What if I am bad?
Words that strong can hold you down forever

I don't want to die
I just want to fly
Up into the sky
Gravity defied
I don't want to fall
So I've got to crawl
I don't want to cry
So I've got to try
It is way too late
To apologize
This is not my fate
This I realize
I can have it all
I don't need to crawl
I'm not satisfied
So I've got to try

I don't want to sleep forever
I don't want to sleep forever
Call my name if you can hear me
I so badly want to be free
I don't want to sleep forever
I don't want to sleep forever
Let me out before I am dead
I don't want forever bedtime

Real
Tell me how to feel
I'm afraid of getting hurt again
But I know

I don't want to die
I just want to fly
Up into the sky
Gravity defied
I don't want to fall
So I've got to crawl
I don't want to cry
So I've got to try
It is way too late
To apologize
This is not my fate
This I realize
I can have it all
I don't need to crawl
I'm not satisfied
So I've got to try

Trust
Can you trust in me?
Now is the time
You can change those tragic endings
There's more to life than simply living
I won't stop
I won't stop until you hear me

I don't want to sleep forever
I don't want to sleep forever
Call my name if you can hear me
I so badly want to be free
I don't want to sleep forever
I don't want to sleep forever
Let me out before I am dead
I don't want forever bedtime
Track Name: Hopeless
We are seven, we are seventeen
The world changes, but we stay the same
No one tells you that it has to be that way
It'll be ok

Think for a moment now
Back when you were so young
Before you had you had your daemons
And before you had a chance to run
Can you bring your hopeful back?
Can you open up your eyes?
Just recognize the difference now
Does it mean I might be right?
It'll be alright

Look at the life you've built
At the lives we've built upon
It's all interconnected
It all forms a piece of art
Let me see the pain you're in
Let me take it on with you
It could not have been in vain
It's because I am here to say
It'll be ok

Smile in the new daylight
It'll be alright

And I'm not hopeless anymore
And I'm not hopeless anymore
And I'm not hopeless anymore
And I'm not hopeless anymore